it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
