Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
