i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
