Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
