You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need to stop coming to work sober
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
