I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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