I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
