Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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