is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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