i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
