You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
