You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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