Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
