my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
