I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize