based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
