I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
