I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
