I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
