Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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