Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
