Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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