you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize