I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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