i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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