Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
