I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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