i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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