Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
