I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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