walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
