in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
