I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
