We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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