As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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