well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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