What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
