If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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