dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
