they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
