and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
