Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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