i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
