i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
