I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
why do cheetos always look like penises
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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