my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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