please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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