Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She told me I should be a condom model.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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