hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
