I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
