It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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