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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
