dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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