so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Less talking, more tequila
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
