it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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