Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize