hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
