At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
