I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
