Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
