I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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