Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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