Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
