Whats the glycemic index on semen?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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