Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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