I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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